<Lucretia>: Welcome to the The Adventure Zone Interview. I’m your host, Lucretia or hhe Director. Joining me in the studio today is Magnus, Merle, Taako and some other members of the Bureau. How are you doing today gentlemen?
<Merle>: Pretty good, pretty good, pretty good.
<Magnus>: Hail and Well met!
<Taako>: Wait, hold on, wait, hold on, wait. Before we start, let me get this straight: There’s a bunch of people in this fake show, the fake stars, the fake leads, the fake hosts, and the fake producers, and I don’t especially like how things are going so far,
<Taako>: And you’ve never played a game with as many fake people?
<Lucretia>: I don’t know about— yeah, I mean, every— we—
<Taako>: But you never thought, like, “Oh, that’s gonna be a big theme?”
<Lucretia>: but— I mean, there’s— there are people in the audience, are there not?
Merle, You have 1999 party points. What do you plan on spending those on?
<Merle>: …I don’t know.
<Taako>: Party points, man. Party points. I don’t know. You know, you might go home and think about it. I would get some drinks delivered to me. That’s kinda what I do. I— How about a little party at Taako’s house?
<Merle>: [Crosstalk] Yeah, I could throw you a little party.
<Taako>: Great. Are you guys— are you guys gonna throw a little party? ‘Cause I’m gonna make some meatballs, garlic knots, and a meat sauce.
<Merle>: Yeah, I could throw a little party.
<Lucretia>: You have a little party, and everybody brings some— they bring some dishes, and everybody joins you- That would be nice!
Taako, you’re a world renowned chef. What is your best dish?
<Taako>: Uh, well, it depends, what’s your definition of a dish?
<Lucretia>: I think it’s like a… it’s a specialty of a dish.
<Taako>: If you mean a dish that I make, then uh, I-I think my favorite dish is my macaron. I-It’s my favorite dish, personally, because I can make it for anybody. Uh, I-I would have to say, I’m not a big fan of my meringue, but that’s just me.
Magnus, you spend a lot of time rushing in. When was the most dangerous time you rushed in?
<Magnus>: Uh, during the storm.
<Taako>: Gotcha. Most dangerous time was, uh, probably, I dunno, May 17. May 17, I think, was the most dangerous? I don’t know that we rushed in during the storm, but… probably. May 17— [crosstalk]
<Merle>: Yeah, probably.
<Taako>: The most dangerous time was probably, uh, may 17, because we didn’t rush in, we could’ve killed everybody in Refuge that day.
<Magnus>: Oh, that’s right!
<Taako>: So we definitely didn’t rush in during the storm.
<Magnus>: Yeah, we definitely didn’t rush in during the storm.
<Merle>: That’s a good point.
<Taako>: We’ve been known to stop and smell the flowers.
<Magnus>: We did just— [laughing] We did just stop to smell the flowers! You can’t hear this, we’re literally whispering.
<Taako>: We actually stopped to smell the flowers of the town of Refuge, too.
<Lucretia>: Oh, just wow.
<Magnus>: Yeah, we’re good at that.
W0lfw1nd22 asks: Merle, how many plants have you… been with?
<Lucretia>: I don’t-I mean, I don’t think I want the answer.
<Merle>: Three. And they’re gone. I cannot stress this enough, I am literally k— well, I was there. I was there the whole time.
<Lucretia>: Three, that’s amazing.
<Magnus>: It’s more plants that you’ve had intercourse with, Director?
<Lucretia>: Oh, I don’t know about that.
stanners_manners asks Lucas: what is your favorite invention that you’ve made?
<Taako>: Yeah, let’s hear it!
<Lucas>: Well, I— I invented the elevator.
<Merle>: And we favorite part was that when we took ‘em back down, nobody remembered we did that.
<Lucas>: Yeah, that’s— that’s kind of a bummer, I guess.
Taako, What do you consider your biggest achievement?
<Taako>: Getting on the elevator.
<Lucretia>: That’s very humble, very humble.
<Merle>: He was the first person to kill him!
<Taako>: Not true! Did we get on the elevator first? [crosstalk] Wait, we’re on the elevator already?
<Magnus>: We got on the elevator. We went into the Fantasy Costco where we’d sell off our old… I don’t even know. Our old magical gear.
<Taako>: Either way. Sometimes it’s about the collection— sometimes it’s about the revenge, sometimes it’s about, you know, just making a difference. I got on and here I am.
<Merle>: And you did make a difference here.
<Magnus>: Yeah, I mean, I wouldn’t change a thing. You guys are nice guys.
Merle, be honest, when were you most scared in your adventure to save the universe?
<Merle>: Wait for it…
<Magnus>: …Oh shit.
<Merle>: In the quarry.
<Magnus>: Oh shit, Merle, I thought you were like a … a man of the cloth kinda guy?
<Merle>: I am a man of the cloth, yeah, I am… I have totally worshipped Pan for years!
<Magnus>: Holy shit.
<Merle>: Pan is real cool; he loves animals and he gave me a pet fish!
<Merle>: Hey, hey, listen, I don’t want you to think I forgot about you. We, we— what are you, like, 130 years old? Or whatever? I don’t want you to think I forgot about you.
<Magnus>: I mean, you’re not exactly 130 years old, Pan hasn’t had much use for you, but the fact that you were born in this very building, it says a lot about you.
<Merle>: Uh, and it goes on, and on and on and on and on and on. It’s an eternity, so I wouldn’t worry about that.
Magnus, You’re a skilled carpenter. What is your favorite creation?
<Magnus>: My- my proudest creation? Umm, it’s gotta be my- yeah, my Taako’s Taco Stand.
<Lucretia>: That’s- that’s very impressive. Are there toppings handy? I’m- I’m curious to hear-
<Magnus>: I just love making people happy. That’s the secret.
<Lucretia>: Do you have anything like that at your taco stand?
<Merle>: Yeah, we don’t have a kitchen.
<Magnus>: It’s like, two taco stands, we don’t really have a third one… I think we need one.
<Taako>: [laughing] Listen, Lucretia. We don’t- we don’t have the same tastes in food, but I do have a seasoning.
<Lucretia>: What’s that?
<Merle>: And I have a spice.
<Magnus>: Look, there’s a seasoning we can’t get enough of. It’s our favourite food, we- we’ve been doing it for, wow, half a century? And we don’t have a kitchen, and I don’t know about you, but I love it. I- I–
<Taako>: And I have an invention.
<Magnus>: What’s that?
<Taako>: A taco stand!
stanners_manners asks Avi: where do you get your brandy?
<Avi>: I would be willing to travel with you guys to get some better brandy. I have to go to apon to get some brandy.
<Magnus>: Avi, have you ever thought about the fact that maybe you don’t know anything about brandy, and you got this from somebody who did?
<Avi>: Okay. You’re right. I don’t know who that is.
<Merle>: What if it’s like hobo hooch, and he was, y’know, “Yeah you, come with me.”
<Avi>: What is that?
<Merle>: Oh, no, he’d be locked up!
<Avi>: You’re right. That’s exactly right.
<Merle>: He’d be locked up! Just, you know. Away from the gate.
<Avi>: I’ve actually heard it from someone named Hodge Podge.
[Magnus, Taako, and Merle absolutely lose it]
<Magnus>: Avi, just one thing. This guy Hodge Podge is our nemesis. We have to destroy him. He is the worst.
<Avi>: Yeah, I think he’s a sleeper agent. I think he’s part of a whole dam— He’s a damper.
<Magnus>: A what?
<Avi>: He’s a damper. He’s a dissipator. He’s a Dave Dupree.
[Magnus, Taako, and Merle laugh]
<Taako>: A Dave Dupree?
<Avi>: His name is Dave Dupree.
Taako, as a wizard of words, you’re known for your amazing quotes. What is your favorite catchphrase?
<Taako>: Hmm, that’s a tough one. [Laughs] Have we done something today that people will remember?
<Taako>: I’m gonna have to think about that one. Let’s go with— what do you think?
<Magnus>: Give him a fish.
<Taako>: That doesn’t work. What do you think?
<Magnus>: Well, I think that’ll be unwise.
Merle, What’s your favorite verse from the Extreme Teen Bible?
<Merle>: [pause] All of it. [Taako and Magnus laugh] “Blessed are the peacemakers.”
<Lucretia>: That one really touched my heart.
<Merle>: Yeah, I know. To bring peace to those who can’t bear it, and to those who can’t bear it, to make war in their stead. That’s pretty much the basic idea. Peace doesn’t come easily, but who says it has to be hard? We have heroes like Pan and Jesus Christ, who didn’t come to make us all miserable. They came to make us better. And I think that’s the kind of person we should look up to, not the kind who brought us destruction.
Okay Magnus. Reddit user Tinnis_ asks: what is strength?
<Magnus>: I think being strong is just going out and getting in the fucking fire. That’s what strength is. Getting in the fire and getting out. That’s–
<Taako>: No, no, no.
<Magnus>: No, no, no. Strong is getting in the fire and getting out. That’s the secret.
<Merle>: Strong is sitting in a chair and getting burned.
<Magnus>: Get out! [Merle leaves]